Friday Night Fantasy Age

Kobolds, Dead Old Men, and Teeth.

Lots of teeth.

Another day in this ruin that I’ve heard others referred to as a “town”. This book may prove to be more useful once I have sat down and attempted to read and translate it. Perhaps these pointless quests may prove more fruitful in the future than originally thought.

Met with group while everyone was arguing about which meaningless task we do next. This Grukar and others seem to be missing stuff, either lost or stolen it doesn’t matter. Apparently some old man is also missing but it is in my opinion that not everyone wants to be found. Tenebris seems adamant we need to find whoever this is, and I feel like it’s not my place to argue. Maybe he’s dead? The elderly do that. Just overheard he was a botanist, this could prove usefu…nevermind he wasn’t an alchemist. Less interested now.

Tenebris and the male orc have decided that alchemist cooking is something someone should consume. I don’t know what hole they crawled out of, but I will be making sure to stay a safe distance away from them for the next few hours.

The orc ate a whole bowl, we may be right fucked now….I’ll hold my breath.

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Grukar is a stupid orc bitch. She is not only unhelpful but also incompetent at her seemingly simple job. I think a well place pillar of fire might rid her of whatever large stick was placed up her ass. Fred knows what’s up.

We have decided that we should find the shit Grukar is upset about. Tenebris in particular seems overly passionate about other peoples’ useless trickets. This is going to be a huge waste of time, mark my words.

His name is Tholip Lychanthorp. He is totally a lychanthrope hiding in the woods or something interesting. No one is listening to me. Maybe he’s also stealing the shit? My guess is they are related. I hope they are because killing two useless birds with one stone will save me some sanity.

The orc is high. Totally high. Someone needs to teach that alchemist fool why we sterilize our tools.

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Oh man, he’s looking at his hand like it contains the mysteries of the universe. Let’s just hope my head isn’t next. I’d laugh if I knew we wouldn’t need him soon.

This reminds me of that page of that manuscript that we found in the crypt, I have forgotten to look into where the pages could have originated from and if the language is indigenous to the surrounding area or… oh hey stairs.

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Where are we? How did we get here…?

That’s a lot of stairs. We are looking for an old man. No way he climbed up here and….. OW! FUCKING OW! An arrow has lodged into my shoulder. WHAT IS GOING ON?! Arrows, arrows everywhere. We are sitting ducks on this fucking stairway and no one seems to think that running is a good idea.

If not for Tyrl- we would all be dead- seriously. I don’t think anyone else even thinks about their own safety. Case in point, the little one just bum-rushed the door and literally broke a falling log on his head. Before I could be impressed Tenebris tried to pull him inside and fell into a pittrap. I will try not to laugh.

I failed.

Sigh….I owe both of them so I guess I should go help.

That orc just took 5 arrows like a fucking champ, but now he thinks hes some kind of Gorrum-esque orc god…I don’t see this going well.

He’s turning kobolds into red mists and I think one just exploded.

EVERYONE IS IN MY WAY, im THIS close to just setting people on fire.

JACKPOT!! This chest might contain some useful books / scrolls / at least the missing shit we want…
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It’s full of teeth….fucking TEETH. WHO LOCKS UP TEETH IN ROOM FULL OF TRAPS. Kobolds are weird little fucks…. And apparently so is Tenebris, who is taking all the rest…I’m not going to ask.

I picked one up and it’s definitely human. I’ll never look at him the same way again. Is that why he is always smiling?

KOBOLDS IN THE DARKNESS! I am full of regret coming in here for some old fart.

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SWORD IN MY CHEST! IN MY CHEST! I AM DEFINATLY BLEEDING! STABBED TRYING TO HELP! THIS SUCKS. Stabbed by a gibbering over-sized lizard…

Note to self: cloth does not good armor make.

Tyrl to the rescue again, and one of these kobolds is not normal at all.

AH HA!! The black veins are similar to those face bitey ball bullshits from the temple we cleaned last week. But how…?

Getting tired of wandering through this cave with nothing good to show for it.
Interesting room filled with the 6 dragon statues of “Dragonborn” says Tyrl. Interesting that I’ve never heard of them before. Going to look this up later. Later is the key word. Dragon statues in a cave full of nightmares is usually not a sign of good things to come.

“Dr..dra…dra…gon…cave….gold…the stuff…lookie…” The little one says the next room contains a dragon. A FUCKING DRAGON. I am compelled to go in and document and maybe if I was high on that gruel I would. Thankfully I am not a dunce and will stay here. I have suggested that no old man is worth our deaths. Green dragons = acid. Acid = ouchy burny pain. Full sized no less. Fuck the dragon and fuck the town. This place is probably fucked.

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As an aside… FUCK YOU GUYS I WAS RIGHT! HE’S NOT A WOLF MAN BUT THIS SHIT WAS RELATED.*

We apparently captured a kobold, I will ask Tenebris how he kept the bloodthirsty orcs from turning this one into red pudding. Well I would but he is talking to Kobold. Lord knows about what.

Still talking.

I made a gesture to Tyrl about her brother.

SHUT UP HE IS A USELESS KOBOLD.

Ahem…Oh look the old man was fed to the dragon.

Can we get the fuck out of here, like I suggested 15 minutes ago?

So apparently this bitch thinks that our risking our necks, exterminating an entire cave of kobolds and almost running into a green dragon is worth….5 silver each.
Her grandfather is dead….I have an idea. That tooth I picked up. I will tell her its his. She will believe me, I can be pretty persuasive. She can use all that money she saved on our pay for the therapy she’ll need.

“A memento to remember him…” and I placed it in her hand totally straight faced. Everyone thinks I am a monster…kinda right I guess.

Leather armor. This might help to keep me in one peace.

Nothing useful found today. Waste of fucking time. I have no money for beer tonight. What could go wrong next?

Comments

Your character is a crazy person.

+100 xp.

Kobolds, Dead Old Men, and Teeth.
Kamakazie forsakenmantras

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